Holding Pattern

I haven’t written anything new for months. I’ve been obsessed with the manuscript I want to query and the memory of my last query experience. That manuscript was requested and rejected, then rejected again after I’d made changes based on the agent’s feedback. Years have passed and I’ve written at least ten manuscripts since then, but that experience haunts me.

I’ve had my query package critiqued. I’ve researched the agents and drafted the letters. I was certain today would be the day I hit SEND, but something stopped me. Why the hesitation?

Patterns and Pain

This holding pattern is not new. Major life events like waiting for a college acceptance letter, waiting for that first job offer, waiting for an earned promotion, waiting as your committee reads your dissertation, waiting for a relationship to go to the next level, remaining too long in that limbo. Hoping. And… dreading.

The story is as ready as I can make it. Critique partners and beta readers helped make sure there were no dangling issues or dull spots or threads that strayed from the thematic core. It is I who am not ready. Why? Is it just a deep-seated sense of inadequacy that keeps me from sending queries? Or is it self-protection, my brain recognizing and reinforcing patterns? Fire burns, stay away! Rejection makes you feel stupid and untalented, stay away!

Facing Fear

Jessica Brody in her W.R.I.T.E.R. newsletter (October 20, 2026) writes: “Why do we really procrastinate … Most writers are plagued by fear. Fear that the writing won’t be any good.” Maybe sending queries is more fearful because we invite subjective judgment, knowing the competitive stakes, anticipating the risk of having to accept our own mediocrity.

In my professional life, I faced discouragement and harsh criticism many times. I didn’t shrink from this reality. The learning experience was important, even though it was painful. I fear rejection. But rejection may not be about craft or content or anything I can learn. It may be preference, a full roster of writers in that genre, a saturated market, a bad day. It’s not personal (a cruel and false dichotomy). So, what’s stopping me?

I do not like holding patterns. I do not like having only rewritten in the last few months. I itch to exercise my imagination, invent characters with new and unresolved problems. I must “sell that aunt” and hit SEND!

Okay, then… I’ll sleep on it one more night.

Are there assessments or judgments that paralyze you and put your life on hold? Are you willing to share them in the comments? Thanks! : ) Professional Lee